New age spiritual nonsense has North America in its grip and it seems that wherever you turn on social media, there’s some new age guru nitwit going on about the color of your aura in relation to a handful of pebbles they dug up in their back yard.
We’ve all met at least one. The vegan, tofu eating, sandal wearing, deodorant avoiding, knob who constantly goes on and on at parties about the details of their bowel cleanse. High as balls with superficial calm and acceptance, teetering on the edge of a shitty crack binge that’s ready to turn ugly as soon as someone looks at them sideways. God forbid you should try to interject some commonsense thinking into their lives – lest you be on the receiving end of a temper tantrum that rivals a five year old.
I’m serious, these morons are usually wound tighter than a suspension spring under load, and grinning like a fucking idiot until you call them out. Then, watch them lose their shit.
Aliens saved us from nuclear attack, did you say? Someone living in a trailer park has cracked Tesla’s code for free energy ? Wow, how silly all those scientists must feel. They all went to university and dedicated their lives to solving life’s mysteries, when all they had to do was go into a mushroom induced trance and realize that diabetes can be cured with a half an avocado, a spoon full of some bizarre name brand sugar, and a squeeze of lemon wedge.
All together now…WTF?
Are new agers all high? It sure seems like it, doesn’t it? Experts agree. …and by experts, we mean the average uneducated nitwit who has absolutely no idea what they’re talking about. Whether you want to save the world from an ever impending alien attack, or heal your debilitating ailments with the magical powers of a driveway pebble, pseudo-science will help you achieve your goals, as long as those goals are finger pointing and ridicule.